Let’s face it. Dating is hard. Meeting people is hard. You would think that with the plethora of dating apps in the world, the process would be easier. But it’s not. It’s just more jumbled. How do you know who will be good for you? How do you decide who to date seriously?
If you’re like me, you compile an extensive list of 42 qualities the guy needs to possess, then compare each guy you date in multiple charts and graphs until you find the right one. No, I’m serious. I had a list of 42 qualities my life partner had to have. And I really made graphs.
However, I’ve been told multiple times that I’m weird and that’s not a normal or enjoyable way to date.
So instead, I have compiled a list of my top 5 things to help you determine whether the person you meet is healthy-long-term-relationship material or not. I use the pronoun ‘he’ but this list could be applied to both males and females.
5 Signs You’ve Found a Guy Who Actually Deserves You
1.He listens to you
I mean, really listens, not just the glazed-over blank stare and grumbled, ‘“uh huh.” Ideally, he will be able to recall details or main ideas from past conversations. I remember one time, when my husband and I were first dating and I was a dance teacher, I ranted to him for a good 20 minutes about the stress of picking out recital costumes. About one week later, out of the blue, he asked if I had decided on the purple tutu or the blue tutu. This was one of the many reasons I knew he was my forever partner.
This concept becomes increasingly important as you begin to discuss issues and problems in your relationship. Does he do the same active listening?
2.He treats your dreams with admiration and respect
Dreams keep us all going. They keep us alert and accelerating as we sludge through the tedium of everyday life. No matter how ambitious or out-there your dreams might appear, your partner should support and encourage you, not degrade or make fun of you.
When I was 19, I told my now husband that I was going to quit school and fulfill my dream of being a dancer at Disneyland. Instead of lecturing me about how dumb that plan was, he said that I would be really great at professional dancing. He then said that he hoped I would some day return to school because he thought I was also super smart and could excel at both.
Ever since then, he’s supported every dream I mentioned to him, no matter how ridiculous it might be. And honestly, I’ve been able to do some pretty awesome things over the years because of his support.
3.You feel confident and encouraged after being with him
Your forever partner should make you feel as if the world is open to you. After being around him, you should feel renewed and energized to take on life. You also should have an increase of love for yourself.
4. He values your feelings
This concept somewhat piggybacks on number 1. If you bring up something emotional, your partner—who is actively listening—should validate your feelings. That means, if you say something along the lines of, “This makes me feel sad…,” or “I feel scared when…” he needs to pay attention and address your concerns.
I dated a lot of guys who just immediately got defensive or critical when I would bring up a negative feeling, even if that feeling wasn’t directed at him. However, one night sitting in the car with my now husband, I turned to him and very firmly said, “You’re being mean.” He sat quietly for a few minutes then muttered, “oh. I didn’t know that’s how you felt. Thanks for telling me.” We then had a very productive conversation about how his tone of voice affected me. He’s been conscious of his tone ever since.
5.He treats everyone he comes in contact with, with respect.
Everyone on planet Earth can be amiable when they have an influx of positive hormones. It’s easy for guys to be kind to a girl they like. What’s more challenging, is to be kind to other people—like family members, service workers, and most importantly, people with special needs.
I once dated this guy who was extremely rude to our waitress. He made extremely degrading comments to her the whole time she served us. Needless to say, he didn’t last very long.
My husband, on the other hand, respected everyone he came in contact with, including wait staff. He also had a friend with Asperger’s. No matter what she said or did, my husband somehow worked her into his friend group and made her feel included and valued.
If you find someone who fulfills all 5 qualities, chances are, you’ve found a keeper!