The best way to talk to your kids about sex? Find something they can relate to.
When I was 9 years old, Christina Aguilera came out with the hit song “Genie in a bottle.” My mom heard that song, bought the cd and played it for me over and over again as we would drive in the car. She used pop culture to teach me about healthy sex.
“You gotta rub me the right way, honey.”
My mom said it was about time that women demanded to be touched the right way. We talked about how for generations, sex was always about what men wanted- women were mainly taught how to please men.
But that’s not right. Women need to be pleased to.
Every time my mom played the song, we would repeatedly launch into discussions about healthy physical intimacy.
“You gotta make a big impression, I gotta like what you do.”
My mom talked about how since it’s so much easier for guys to get turned on and be satisfied, the majority of the focus needs to be on the girl and her pleasure- that I needed to find a guy with enough self-discipline and love for me that he would actually respect what I needed.
She talked about how it was my right in any physical relationship to voice my opinion and be heard.
She talked about how I never owed anything to any man, regardless of what he did for me. Even if we were married. Yep, you can still say no to sex at any given time, even if you’re married.
“If you wanna be with me, baby, there’s a price to pay.”
My mom also taught me that any and all of me had to be earned, whether it was my time, my emotional support or my physical body.
The guy had to prove that he loved and valued all of me- not just the perfect first-date version of me. No, the guy had to love and care for crying Tanya, anxious Tanya, repeatedly sick Tanya and hormonally unbalanced Tanya, to name a few.
She taught me that I was valuable and important and that any guy would be lucky just to be able to spend time with me.
Now, I want to again point out something very important. I was 9. My mom started talking to me about healthy sex when I was 9 years old. It’s never too young to teach our children about healthy relationships and that includes talking about sex.
The only way to prevent sexual abuse is to talk about it.
My mom kept the line of communication open ever since then. I felt comfortable asking her questions or talking to her about things in all my romantic relationships.
I would also like to point out that I come from an extremely conservative family and my mom is a very strong member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (mormon). But you can still be conservative, you can still be chaste and pure and talk about these things.
No matter your background, your religion, your belief system, healthy sex is something important that needs to be discussed.
If you need help opening the lines of communication, look for something that is popular right now- a tv show, a song, a movie; something that your child can relate to. Something to bridge the gap.
It’s never too early to start teaching future generations about healthy sex. Let’s be the voice of change and rid the world of sexual abuse!
For more tips and ideas check out this article from RAINN.