5 Reactions I Got When I Shared My Abuse Story
“If he really hit you, why didn’t you just tell someone?”
“If he touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable, why didn’t you do something?
“If she treated you so badly, why didn’t you say something?”
I recently opened up about my abuse story.
I experienced child abuse. The worst of what happened to me ended more than a decade ago. But even after so many years, most of my family members and close friends had no idea what I went through.
You know why?
Because I was scared of other people’s reactions.
Turns out, I had a reason to be scared.
5 Reactions I Got When I Shared My Abuse Story
1.People got mad at me
Yep. This happened. I sent out an email to a select group of people close to me and within seconds I received seething texts and emails. They were legitimately mad at me.
As I opened each spiteful message, my heart raced faster and faster and my mind pulled me further and further into the dark places I tried to avoid.
2. People asked, “And?”
Hearing that one-worded question pushed me further into the dark pit of my self-hatred. With a single syllable, they were able to reduce my childhood nightmare into a pathetic pile of pansies.
I will be the first to admit that what happened to me as a child was extremely tame in comparison to what a lot of abuse victims experience.
However, it’s still not ok.
The fact that SO MANY PEOPLE I talked to belittled the issue of an adult touching a child inappropriately, proves that something is WAY wrong with our society.
3. I got yelled at
“How could you invent something like that? You’re awful and I won’t bring myself down to that level!”
Real words I heard from someone I told my abuse story to.
Yelling and demeaning words are another one of my triggers. With this reaction, the floodgates to the flashbacks were thrown wide open.
My husband came home to me curled up on the floor crying and shaking.
4. I was told I was overacting
“It’s not that bad.” “Don’t overreact.”
I’m sorry.
I experienced every type of abuse: physical, sexual and emotional. Each attack violated my body and spirit to the core.
I have a right to be messed up because of that.
5. I was told that my abuser “wasn’t like that at all and I should stop saying things to make them look bad.”
It’s a common myth that abusers treat everyone the same. The truth? They don’t. In fact, abusers typically select just one target. Or, at most, a few targets.
I had people cut me out of their lives because of the “lies” I was telling. They turned me into the villian when all I was looking for was understanding.
I have no intention to get “pay back” or retribution from my abusers. I know exactly why they hurt me and it’s because of the incredible pain they had to battle with each day.
That doesn’t make what they did ok and they don’t get to be in my life. But I don’t wish any more pain upon them. Honestly.
I just want the world to understand why I stutter and why I take forever to answer simple questions.
So as you can see, the reactions I received were, for the most case, more harmful than helpful. They thrust me right back to the same scary places the abuse trapped me in.
And i’m lucky. I have an incredible support team holding my hand as I talk about my abuse story. Most abuse victims and survivors don’t have that.
So next time you ask, “Why didn’t she/ he just tell someone?” Remember what happened to me.
That’s why people don’t talk about abuse.
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5 Comments
Hello , your story rings so true to my own. First I would like to say you are amazing to be able to put your story out there farther than just family and friends may be the one thing that helps us most. I was same as you childhood abuse both w parents and sexual abuse with babysitter , I truly believe it had ruined my chance of being able to trust and truly know what love is. I couldn’t revive love or give love completely . I have a 15 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son who are by far the most beautiful blessings I have ever felt yes that’s uncondistonal love and I knew in my heart that I may only be able to know a certain kind of love through them while on this earth . My sOns father and I have been on and off for 9 yrs now , he loves me and has been a great father but I had failed at being able to give up my walls of protection that wouldn’t allow me to become completely vulnerable for him to have him and know completely I was his and I was staying he has expressed that he feels like i always have one foot out the door I am in love with him very very much and I have recently in the last year found out my childhood sexual abuser passed away I then was able to tel my parents who have been separated my whole life it didn’t go over well I got the same exact responses leaving me feeling like I was a big cry baby victim and they just seemed to express so much protection for their own parenting which wasn’t healthy if I may add. Outside of the abuse my brother and I grew up very ruff and had been in care homes and juvenile jails as kids for years so I know my parents carry a lot of guilt but they do not know that if they just became better grandparents it may heal some of trauma frm our childhood they are very harsh and hard to love so naturally I never saw real love never knew what it was . I now feel more free than I ever have I am capable of letting go so much guilt I held inside for very very long feeling like I was always a different than most I feel deeply and I know I may be some what emphatic do that makes it harder to set boundaries with family. I have been facing the hardest times of my life right now my sons father asked me to be vunerable and let my walls down he wanted to be a family and really put out all into it this time , I finally had somthing switch in my upon hearing my abuser had passed away I felt more free than I ever have in my whole life and I actually felt more beautiful than ever I felt like a real women embracing every sexy part every song I loved to sing everything that makes me a good mother its all shinning brighter than before. The only issue I face now is having put my sons dad through years of denying his love now he is finding it very hard to understand why now have I finally realized all his hard love teachings telling me my family was toxic and to stop letting them effect our relationship stop going to them for advice and to not go to my friends bc they all really never know what I truly needed and all along he did and I denied it pushed it away so now it’s hard for him to believe that I finally see he truly does love me for who I am and he had all along . I told him about my sexual abuse along time ago so he’s known and he’s resented my family for it very much I should have known he was my home he was my safe place he was my protector & I didn’t see it then it just wasn’t my time I guess. We all grow at our own paces I guess. I told him that I could never repay what he has given me which is the gift of teaching me what true love is with your partener he said do you really mean that ? We both had tears in our eyes and yes I told him yes I mean it with every part of my being. He seems so withdrawal and confused now and I just think he’s not certain that I have realized I can trust a man but I know in my heart he’s my home and our family is all I ever needed . Please keep me in your prayers as I try to mend my broken family and bring my sons father into this new path with me I promised myself I wouldn’t give up and I would stay by his side no matter how long it took him to come home he deserves to have me at my best and for the first time I can trust him so I just pray I haven’t caused too much pain by beIng closed up for so long . I keep all of us survivors so close to my heart and prayers I do hope you have found your path to fully heal god bless . Thank you for listening not many understand these things
Breanna, Thank you for sharing your story with me. Your bravery and strength is incredible? I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers???
I’m so sorry for your experience with abuse, almost just as sorry for your ordeal when sharing your story… physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse… none of it is ok. Ever. Keep healing. ❤️
Thank you for your support and kind words???