Alright, so full disclosure. I was sexually abused as a child and my mom was sexually abused in her marriage. Needless to say, I had absolutely no idea what a healthy sex life should look like and I had no one to turn to find out.
“For years, it has been widely believed that men have the greater interest and drive towards sexual fulfillment.”
My mom had a very negative experience with sex. From her point of view, the idea of female pleasure was a mythical enigma. I gotta give her credit though; she did her best to teach me to have high expectations. At a young age, she taught me that men needed to treat every physical touch from me as a divine gift; that even the ability to hold my hand should have them groveling on their knees with gratitude.
She also taught me the power and strength of my feminine sexuality. That’s something I will forever be grateful to her for. (Discovering and embracing my sensual side helped me to overcome what happened in my childhood.)
However, every thing she taught me echoed with the same thing- the actual act of sex itself was for men.
Fast forward a few years and a dozen romance books and I’ve discovered how utterly ridiculous that mentality really is.
“Recent research indicates that the capacity for sexual response in women is just as great, and in some cases even greater, than that of males.”
Women have the same physical desires and the same capacity for orgasm as men do. Yes, I think mechanics are vastly different between the two genders but the hopes and dreams are the same.
So back to my original question, who is sex for?
It’s for both partners.
“Sexuality should be an integral part of loving and giving.”
Healthy sex will leave both parties feeling an increase in love and closeness with one another.
Barlow, Brent A. (September 1986) They Twain Shall Be As One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage. Ensign