“ A neighbor heard us and called 911. I distracted him for a minute so that I could run out of the house.”
The Abuse Story
I met this guy at work. At first we were friends hanging out and having fun. It quickly escalated to a romantic relationship. The first time he got too drunk and yelled at me, I told him the next day that I would not put up with that again. That’s not the kind of relationship that I want. Well, it continued. Of course. If I spoke to another man he would call me a slut. If he heard about anyone else that I ever slept with I wasn’t allowed to be in the same room as them anymore and I was again, a slut. Every time I broke it off he’d cry and tell me he loved me and then in the next second he’d call me a cunt. Then one night he came home after way too many drinks and he beat me. I screamed for help. I tried to call the police but he threw my phone across the room and held me down. A neighbor heard us and called 911. I distracted him for a minute so that I could run out of the house. He was arrested. And released the next day. I said I wanted to press charges but nothing ever happened. I moved away the next day.
I called my parents. I was living in California and they were in Oregon. They sent me money for gas to pack up my life and go move in with them.
I don’t have any real friends. I battle over drinking because I can’t stay at home alone and going out to the bars gets my mind of everything.
When Did You Start to Feel In Control
I’m not sure I’ve really reached total control. I’m having to reestablish myself because I’m in a new city. Trying to find the right job and make the right friends. But I’m working on it every day. Saving money for a gym membership and getting into therapy.
Tips for Dealing with Flashbacks
Meditation. I like to hold stones and concentrate on positive energies.
What are some boundaries you've put up to protect yourself?
I have decided to be celibate ever since. Keeping a safe distance and really taking the time to get to know someone before letting anything go too far.
What are some techniques you use to bring positivity into your life?
Exercise and healthy eating.
Advice For People in Abusive Situations
You are not alone and you do deserve love.
What Are Some Things That Would Have Made it Easier to Leave?
If my friends could have been more supportive. When they saw his abuse they told me he couldn’t come around anymore. Well, he was manipulative so he convinced me that if he wasn’t allowed to hangout with them, then they aren’t good friends and I shouldn’t want to be around them either. So I stopped hanging around my friends. They got angry with me and we fought. I think that if they saw abuse, they should have either talked to me, called my parents, or helped me figure a way out without having to uproot my entire life.
How Can Society Help You More?
Be teaching equality. Even in uncomfortably areas. Like, women can sleep around before they find “Mr.Right” without being slut shamed. And men can feel pain and show emotion without being “pussy”.
What Are Some Things You Enjoy Doing Now?
I enjoy practicing yoga, cooking, art, outdoor adventures
What Helps You See the Beauty in the World?
Honestly, my parents. I am so lucky to have 2 people in my life that have nothing but love for each other. They have created a beautiful life together. Though, they do fight. They are human, they love eachother so much it makes my heart swell. I want that one day. I have proof before me that it is possible to achieve
What makes you feel confident?
Being 100% myself every single day. I dont need someone to match me if I’m not giving my true self. I am open and honest and that makes me feel wonderful.
What Makes You Feel Beautiful?
Supporting myself. I am capable of more then I knew I was.
What Makes You Feel Empowered?
Making my own choices. Everything that I do, every single day, is my choice. I am living my life.
***If you survived abuse and would like to use the story to help encourage others, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
*If you or someone you know might be experiencing abuse, please see my resource page for support.